Eleanor Olson, 90, Fargo, ND, formerly of Fertile, MN passed away on Thursday, November 7, 2024 at Edgewood Fargo.
The firstborn of five children, Eleanor spent her early years, in her own words, skinny and self-conscious, wearing stockings that had been patched and darned by her mother many times over and having to split a banana five ways. She found her joy and solace in music, losing herself to the piano from an early age, so absorbed that her mother would have to tell her to get off the piano bench to come to dinner.
Eleanor had recalled arriving at a one-room country school and from nearly the first day, having her sights set on extremely cute but bashful Marvin Olson. It wasn’t until nearly the end of her college years, having gained confidence out in the world, that she returned to Fertile and was reunited with her neighborhood crush at the Polk County Fair that their romance officially began. During one of their early dates, Marvin drove Eleanor home and they talked so long into the night with the engine running that Marvin’s car ran out of gas in the Harstad yard. Deathly embarrassed, Marvin said nothing but ran home after Eleanor went inside and returned before sun-up with gas to fill up the tank so he could slink back home!
Shy and often anxious during her early years, Eleanor told family of starting at Concordia College as a truly traumatizing time in her life. She had chosen home economics as her major and was regularly writing home expressing her despair. With uncharacteristic directness and much to Eleanor’s surprise, her father wrote a letter to the dean of students during Eleanor’s first semester that she should be pursuing a major in music, not a home economics major. The rest is history. Once Eleanor’s coursework aligned with her passion, she began finding her way at Concordia and her happiness increased tremendously, especially when her sister Elaine, only one school year behind her, joined her as her Concordia roommate for her sophomore year of college. It was during these years that both girls were encouraged to live and work in Crookston during their summer break. It was only recently that Eleanor admitted that she had been a waitress at a Chinese restaurant there that would stay open until after the bars closed, and she had waited on tables of drunken businessmen — one of whom passed out face first in his Chinese noodles!
Eleanor and Marvin both shielded their kids from these realities as children and even as young adults. It is imagined part of this was to reinforce the importance of living, thinking, and speaking in alignment with Christian values, and perhaps to avoid the judgment of the puritanical Harstad side of the family (Eleanor had described having to hide playing cards if her Dad’s siblings pulled up in the car)!
After Eleanor graduated, she got a job teaching music in New Folden. She held that job for a couple of years, later securing a teaching job in Gary, MN, closer to the Olson farm after she and Marvin married in March 1958, with the farm where her parents were, conveniently only a mile away. As additional evidence of true love, Eleanor and Marvin started their married life together in the so-called “Ole Bucke” house. What it lacked in indoor plumbing, it made up for in stylish wallpaper! They began growing their family with the arrival of Mary in 1959 and then Kristi and Lori in quick succession in 1961 and 1963. Photos of the years evidence Eleanor’s incredible talent as a seamstress — often sewing adorable matching outfits for her precious daughters, a perfect set of 3 girls with just 4 years between them including a ginger, a brunette and a blonde. But Eleanor never sacrificed her own style to dress her daughters. Always impeccably styled herself, she remained stylish with a perfect figure throughout her years — her secret? No doubt running after children, music teaching which she did on her feet, often playing at the piano while standing or conducting, rarely sitting. It probably didn’t hurt that when asked if she wanted dessert after supper, she would request ice cream but “only a teaspoon.”
Having struggled with anxiety and depression for most of her life, Eleanor was especially devastated by the shocking loss of her mother at only 68 years of age who had been a daily fixture providing both moral support and advice (sometimes unsolicited — we heard about that too!) and also very tangible services like babysitting for the kids, piano lessons, helping them create homemade holiday gifts, and being a rock of support for her as Grandma Harstad had been for her own husband who often suffered tremendously from anxiety and depression during his lifetime.
During this same window, and throughout her working life, Eleanor also was working in a system that openly and obviously preferenced the efforts of men. Despite putting in long hours to prepare dozens of students for the highest caliber of musical performance in our school district and region, both for solo and ensemble contests, as well special musical events, numerous concerts throughout the year on top of her hourly class sessions with several groups daily, Eleanor only received a part time paycheck from the school while male teachers were awarded full time contracts. This got under her skin, but it was culturally unthinkable for her to rock the boat.
But Eleanor kept going. Juggling 5 children, a full time job for part time pay, keeping a tidy and ordered home which she strived to keep updated and pleasant even while dealing with the realities of living on a dairy farm where flies and the smell of upwind manure were a regular feature, as were cattle chases and occasional chicken butchering, and mud and worse were drug in on shoes, where food and music for church and extended family events were expected, attendance at virtually every activity of every one of her children, support of Marvin by attendance at his various activities from bowling to softball to golf, including bowling tournaments. Constantly advocating (to the point of tears) for things she prioritized — a new top or dress for a school dance and most importantly — a college education for all five of her children (Marvin said more than once during some of those discussions, “I have paid for 3 kids to go to college — I may not be able to afford the last two.”) Despite her own mental frailty at times, she kept going. Here are a few of her secrets:
- Marry someone you are crazy about with a sense of humor that will continue to delight you, even on days you want to kill him.
- Lay down when you need to — 15 minutes a day after lunch often does the trick.
- Summer days are for trips to Bergeson Nursery, swimming at Maple Lake and especially Hovland’s Haven — spring for the entrance fee so the kids have a slide — summer nights are for DQ trips and kids-in-PJ outings to the drive-in.
- The Polk County Fair is not to be missed and must include the whole experience — from filling out bike drawing tickets to pie at the Ladies Aid stand to lots and lots of ride tickets.
- When your children ask for sleepovers, either at your house or at a cousin’s or friends, say yes.
- Regular treasure hunts at Ben Franklin will make Mom and Kiddos happy, as well quicker trips to the Bear Park country Store, especially the fabric room, and family gatherings at Happy Joe’s.
- You could be leaving a legacy just by being good at your job, having great taste and liking what you like — case in point, the Fertile Beltrami high school choir still sings the Peace Peace version of Silent Night by candlelight which Eleanor started there, now for close to 50 years.
- Your children will copy you in a million ways — while you build your concert programs, they’ll create the family’s Christmas Eve program at home.
- If you have kids, sing around the piano in harmony regularly, and make sure to tell your kids how much joy you are bringing to Dad who gets to listen. They will feel both of your love.
- Shop with your daughters while you can, and if you feel empty, pause for a coffee and a cookie.
- Also go out for coffee and cookies after basketball games. There is no bad time for coffee and a cookie.
- Back comb your hair for volume, especially if your cowlick is acting up.
- Take a warm bath at night.
- Chat softly with your partner about the day’s events when you go to bed together, your children will hear that you communicate through the wall but not what you communicate, and you will mostly avoid conflict;
- Take pride in your appearance, understand some proportion basics — A-line skirts flatter, as do V-necks, certain colors are better than others with fair skin, a little lipstick and some eyebrow pencil can completely transform you, and knee-high heeled leather boots look great with skirts.
- Enjoy good things but do so in moderation — have the cookie, have the chocolate, have the ice cream, but only a teaspoon.
- Take the aspirin, take the medication. No sense suffering.
- Keep moving — take a walk to the woods in the summer, do all your own housework, garden, dust, tidy, organize —And make sure your children have chores to do as well.
- Occupy yourself with things you love — cross-stitch, reading a great book, a puzzle, a phone call, coffee with a friend, a matinee and popcorn.
- Express your vulnerability — if you are sad or worried, ask for help regularly and accept it.
- Treat yourself to something new and don’t feel guilty about getting rid of something that you don’t like anymore. She may not have asked “does it spark joy?” But Eleanor is the original Marie Kondo, never overly-sentimentalizing attachment to clothes or objects. Trips to goodwill in Crookston to drop off donations were usually preceded by the phrase “I’m tired of that.”
- Appreciate a fantastic piece of music.
- Don’t be a joiner, even if all your peers do something — you don’t have to — do your own thing.
- Related to this, don’t be boy crazy.
- Keep your own bank account and your own money — this also enables doing your own thing
- Show your love for your family through great food, cooking hot breakfasts before the bus, allowing kiddos to pick out a favorite sugary cereal at the grocery store.
- Send boxes full of gently used cute children’s clothes to grandkids.
- Don’t pressure your kids to have kids or to get married. Real life is not a fairytale, and these life changes are hard and should be made out of choice.
- Traditional Lutheran church service with an organ beats cowboy church all day every day.
- Go to church every Sunday with your husband and children; everyone should be dressed up.
- Keep your emails short and punchy. Looking back at some of Eleanor’s emails to her daughter over the years. In one, she relayed a message about a pair of cats that had been hanging around the yard for a while. “Don’t bother with more cat food. We haven’t seen the Mom or kitten in a few days — Dad thinks an eagle took them.”
- Hang around with young people as much as you can — Eleanor loved that high schoolers always hung out in her classroom between class periods and over lunch and has always been exceptional at drawing out conversation from these notoriously adult-averse/conversation-averse teens. Even in her last apartment, she loved the steady stream of high schoolers who delivered her daily meals and her main complaint about the Fertile assisted living was that it had “too many old people.”
- Stay creative and curious as long as you can — in addition to the hobbies I already mentioned, Eleanor recently took a water color painting lesson from Ellie and took to it right away, creating a beautiful final product with little guidance.
Eleanor’s family considers themselves lucky to have had her as their Mom and we know her brothers and sister and nieces and nephews and dear friends all feel the same. She will be so very missed.
Eleanor was preceded in death by her husband of 60 years, Marvin Olson; and her sister, Sylvia Moen.
She is survived by her sister, Elaine Krogstad of Crookston; brothers, William Harstad (Dorothy) of Fertile, and Allen (Carol) Harstad of Eagan; children, Mary (Nick) Maynard of Fargo, Kristi (Ray) Olson-Sitki of Springfield, IL, Lori (Steve) Morrell of Knoxville, TN, Rachel (Richard) Lei of Bainbridge Island, WA, and Andrew Olson of Fargo; as well as 8 grandchildren; 1 great grandchild; and numerous nieces and nephews.
Memorial Service: 11:00 AM, Wednesday, November 13, 2024 at Faaberg Lutheran Church, Rindal, MN.
Visitation: One hour before the service at the church.
Inurnment: Faaberg Lutheran Cemetery, Rindal, MN.
Please view our guestbook and share condolences online at www.eriksonvikfh.com
Arrangements with Erikson-Vik-Ganje Funeral Home
Fertile, Minnesota
